Funny stories

DEUTSCHE VERSION

A grass widower writes...

My dear, my darling and my sunshine,
you never detected all talents of mine !
You always said, I'm useless at all,
with housework, shopping and papering the wall.
Well, I have to laugh about this,
I must say, outrageous it is!

A week long now with your mother you stood,
and here at home I keep everything good.
Have an eye to all, so careful I have been,
you can easily still remain at Berlin.

For cooking I know some meals so fine.
I must say , I detect a cook inside mine!
You'll hardly believe it, it's causing sensation
I am inventor of novel taste combination!
Much I discovered by chance is to tell
sometimes however it tasted not well.

Monday morning, for example, some effort I took,
I prepared me a pancake batter, my breakfast to cook,
but they tasted no good, this not alone,
my pancakes became all hard like a stone!
That must have been probably cement instead flour!
I placed them outside after chewing an hour.
They were all inedible, it was a bad deal !
Well, I went to a restaurant then for my meal

On Tuesday morning I enjoyed some liquor
and possible not finally closed the door.
So everyone could enter the dwelling and now
somebody must have been there anyhow!
Because we haven't things of value no more
the cabinets are empty from ceiling to floor !
But I think there wasn't much to disappear,
you always said, you have nothing to wear !

On wednesday then I was cooking thick rice ,
but there was suddenly anyhow a loud noise.
It cracked dreadfully. Why ? I cannot explain,
I'm still pondering it over, it is all a pain.
The pot had exploded, o, that was not nice !
Now the kitchen is decorated all over with rice!

Dear woman, I know, you think I am wise.
You ask, how explosive material came into the rice?
The question will be unanswered a while ,
because your husband can't know each detail.

After that some potatoes I roasted, in fact
those were however not quite correct.
From the baker then some rolls I got,
in the meantime the potatoes was burned in their pot !
This is not important and I would not tell,
but I cannot remove from our dwelling the smell !
And now our budgie is from the smoke
black like a raven, - and the coughs it has took.
It is unable to feed and to look with its eye,
tomorrow we went to the veterinary guy.

Please, write me in any time next :
how long do I have to cook the eggs?
I put them in cooking water, two hours to go,
and I think they are soft, but certainly NO !
And then please transmit a message to me :
For what some burned milk useful can be ?
How does one cement a broken cup?
How high can one pile dirty table-ware up ?
If TV is distorted, which button to turn?
How does one cook meals if the flames does not burn ?

I prepared a bath, and went to a shop,
the water for the bath tub I forgot to stop.
it filled the bath tub, then washed overboard !
Now we have to buy furniture for Jones, o Lord !
Paint the ceiling and paper the wall
and recondition the whole dwelling at all.
Remember the noble Jones, and such
could pay, I think, rather too much.

At ours however, although everything swam
I saved all things, as good as I can.
In our dwelling, earlier dry all along,
the waves whispered softly their age-old song ---.

Now I wrote you as much, my ball pen runs hot
and almost the most important I forgot !
Because I wrote to you these lines
to tell you very soon in minimum times :
our Peter, you know, isn't a tom cat !
He's not a father, became mother instead !
Our Peter's got babies ! The number is seven
They all shall have a home like a heaven
and therefore I hurried to bring all eight
into your bed. A nest I made
into the pillows soft and warm...
Now I think, my letter is done.

How long you will remain there, until May or June ?
I hope, I get an answer quite soon.
Is mother healthy, is all okay ?
bring along some cash , we have debts to pay.

Now I send cordially greetings and kiss,
and be your husband, which at present
a quite exemplary grass widower is!

Herzlichen Dank für die Übersetzung an EvaSara Tullier

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