DEUTSCHE VERSION

A brawl with hurdles


Imagine a scenario like this one:
A saloon from the Wild West: tables and chairs up front, a piano against the wall, a mirror, lamps, and pictures. Behind the bar, there are several shelves of bottles.
The most prominent detail is the large price tags attached to each item, ranging everything from $2 to $200. Several guests are present, drinking, talking, playing cards; everything is very peaceful and well mannered.

A stranger enters the saloon, leans against the bar, and waits to order a drink. The bartender comes over and asks what the man would like.
The stranger sees the price tags on the bottles and sputters, "What is that the price for, then? This isn't a store where you buy whiskey by the bottle - and the price is much too high for a shot of whiskey!"
The bartender reassures him, "No, no, of course those aren't the prices for a single shot, no worries!
But the boys here are all too restless for my taste. Every other day they start brawls, smash up my furniture and my stocks, and afterwards I'm the dummy standing in a heap of rubble. Nobody pays for the damage, nobody takes the blame!
But I put an end to that! Now everything has its exact price!!!"

Everyone starts talking at once: “Joe, what do you mean by that?” - “The barman is right!” - “No he isn't! Are you drunk or what?” - “No, I'm not, you scallywag, but maybe you are!” - “Boys, calm down, sit back down!” - “What's it to you? Mind your own business!” etc.
And yet again, a brawl seems about to start.
The bartender opens the door that goes back to the kitchen and whistles.... and the whole family appears: mother, children, grandma, and grandpa, armed with pens and paper, and move about among the brawlers.
Before anyone can swing a chair or a bottle, his arm is held and someone writes down his name and the price.
There are a few shots and lamps and pictures shatter - and everything is noted down.
The mirror remains intact; it's too expensive.

The brawl proceeds as if in slow motion.
One cowboy quickly counts his money to decide whether he can afford to flourish a bottle...

Two cowboys have drawn their Colts and are facing off: one is short, skinny, and very timid.
It looks like a duel.
The bartender speaks to the larger fellow: “Enough already! I don't want any of that in here! Take it outside!”
The short fellow grabs his chance and runs back and forth through the saloon… and as he turns around, he is covered with price tags - on his hat, his jacket, his pants, his shirt, his belt, his kerchief...

The bigger cowboy makes a very dumb face and leaves the saloon with the words:
"You were lucky this time - I can't afford you !"


© Peter Dörling 2004

Herzlichen Dank für die Übersetzung an EvaSara Tullier

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